Happy Birthday Samuel

Samuel turns 1 today. I am feeling all the feels, y'all. What an amazing ride it has been in such a short amount of time!! I have created this little slideshow/movie of Samuel's first year. I hope you watch and enjoy knowing how grateful our family is for each one of you who prayed with us and for us during this first year with all its unexpected trials and blessings. Thank you for letting us share Samuel's story with you all!

You will never exaggerate when you speak good things of God. It is not possible to do so. Try, dear brethren, and boast in the Lord. Charles Spurgeon
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/charles_spurgeon.html

"You will never exaggerate when you speak good things of God. It is not possible to do so. Try, dear brethren, and boast in the Lord."  -Charles Spurgeon

Sippy Cup Conundrum and Other Ramblings

Samuel is 11 months old today. I have one more month before I have a one year old. 4 short weeks. How has this happened? I've been a bit more emotional as the days go by, with this being my last baby. I wanted to get a blog post in to mark this moment because with school starting next week and activities at church beginning in full force again soon, it's about to get real crazy, real fast. I want to make sure to slow down and savor all these "lasts" that I have with my baby.

The last time he crawls, because soon he'll be walking.
The last time he takes a bottle, because he'll be transitioning to a sippy cup.
The last time he wears 9 month clothes, because he's growing into 12 months.
The last time he wakes up in the middle of the night, because....oh wait still doing that.

Point being, time marches on. I need to work on making the most of each day.

Here's a little of what Samuel has been up to in the past few months:

He is now crawling. Which happened just on a random day after taking the kids on a trip to LegoLand. He had been in the stroller for an extended period of time, and I guess he had enough of that. I put him on the floor when we got home and he almost immediately took off. And hasn't slowed down since.

He is also pulling up on whatever is in his reach. I imagine he will be walking within a month or so. But I'm in no rush for that.

As for eating, he is still eating mainly pureed baby food for most meals. I have had success with some table food, such as mashed potatoes, soft breads, and beans. Food still occasionally comes out his nose if something gets stuck in the palate opening. But for the most part, he has become a champ at figuring out how to get his food down.

Our main hurdle we have to get over before the hard palate surgery is the sippy cup conundrum. He has to be completely off the bottle before they will do surgery because he can't take a bottle during recovery. So I have been introducing a variety of sippy cups to him. And he wants nothing to do with any of them.

He won't be able to get proper suction until post surgery, so finding the right sippy cup is tricky. Most brands make no-spill sippy cups which require a lot of suction. The "plug" can be pulled out so that he doesn't have to suck, but then the liquid just pours out. And that's no good. My next step is to purchase the cheap throw away cups and cut small slits in the spout so that the liquid sort of trickles out. I'm praying we have success with this method.

We meet with the surgeon after his first birthday next month for check up. We were told surgery would be scheduled between 14-18 months of age. So that would be between November-March. And that's all I know for now.

My last thoughts for today:

Just this past weekend God gave me a special reminders of His faithfulness to us through this journey.

On Saturday I was repairing a piece of Samuel's changing table caddy that had broken. While I was super gluing this piece back together, I found a small piece of Samuel's lip tape stuck underneath it.

It seemed like so long ago since I was taping his lip each day. How quickly we forget. But how good is God to remind us.

Psalm 124

A song of ascents. Of David.

¹ If the Lord had not been on our side—
    let Israel say—
² if the Lord had not been on our side
    when people attacked us,
³ they would have swallowed us alive
    when their anger flared against us;
⁴ the flood would have engulfed us,
    the torrent would have swept over us,
⁵ the raging waters
    would have swept us away.

⁶ Praise be to the Lord,
    who has not let us be torn by their teeth.
⁷ We have escaped like a bird
    from the fowler’s snare;
the snare has been broken,
    and we have escaped.
⁸ Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

6 months, 12 stones

A quick update on Sam's progress

 Samuel turned 6 months old a couple weeks ago. What?? How is he halfway to his first birthday already? The saying "the days are long but the years are short" is oh so true.

He is now rolling over like a champ. He loves sticking out his tongue. He giggles and chatters. He is starting to enjoy his toys now that he can pick them up and hold on to them. He ADORES his big sister. He likes his brothers too, but he has a special connection with sis.

At his 6 month checkup he was measuring 13.14 lbs and 25.5 inches. Still a bit small for his age. Hopefully when we start solids he will put on some weight. I have tried introducing cereal a couple of times, but he wasn't interested. With my older boys I made a lot of my baby food, and I'm hoping to do the same for Samuel.  He will have to figure out how to move his food around the open cleft palate with his tongue. He's a pretty smart guy. He'll get the hang of it. I just have to be sure to keep bibs and burb cloths on hand during feedings as the food will come out of his nose and mouth.

Concerning his cleft palate, we will go back to Dallas in September (after his 1st birthday) for checkup with the surgeon. We should be discussing surgery for closing of the cleft palate at this appointment. The surgery will be when Samuel is 14-18 months.

He has healed so well from his cleft lip surgery. The scar is hardly visible.

So for the past 2+ months, we have been enjoying "normal" life.  I was reminded in a recent Sunday School lesson in Joshua about the Israelites passing though the Jordan River. God commanded Joshua to tell the people to make a memorial to the Lord with stones...one stone for each of the 12 tribes of Israel. My favorite part of the passage is this right here:

"...that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’" Joshua 4:6

This is why we will continue to tell our story, to tell of God's faithfulness. It is so easy to forget the place from which God has brought you. Especially when life becomes easy once again. So we think back to those days and ask "what do those stones mean to you?" 

We tell our children. We tell our friends. I post here for anyone who wants to know. Our God was faithful and good then. He is faithful and good still. In hard times. In easy times. We give Him all the glory and praise!

For more of Samuel's story, be sure to read Samuel's story, A Letter to Samuel at 3 Months, and The Surgery and Recovery.

The Surgery and Recovery

 I'm missing Wednesday night church right now because I'm at home with Samuel. So I thought I would write a little blog post while the house is quiet.

Samuel's cleft lip and soft palate surgery was on January 18 and I want to be sure to write about it while all the feelings are still fresh. It still seems surreal that we are on the other side of surgery. That was probably the longest...yet at the same time the quickest 4 months of my life.

 I can never get tired of saying how much God has provided for us and given strength to sustain us through this process.

It was an early Monday morning. Michael, my parents and I prayed together then left our house at 4 am to be in Dallas by 6 am for the pre-op. Surgery was to begin at 7. One of my favorite moments of the morning was the time spent with Samuel before surgery. He had already had 2 previous surgeries before this one- umbilical hernia and ear tubes. Both of the previous surgeries were hard in the moments leading up to surgery as he couldn't eat for several hours before making him almost inconsolable. And it didn't help that the surgeries weren't on time. It was no fun. This time was different. Samuel was calm and relaxed. He didn't cry once while he waited for surgery to begin. Michael and I just got to enjoy him. It was such a blessing.

The surgical team is on time. Another blessing. They took Samuel right at 7 and sent us back to wait. We were told it would be a 2-3 hour procedure. So we wait. And pray. And eat breakfast (Michael found an awesome bacon, egg and cheese biscuit that was the size of my head!). And drink coffee- white chocolate mocha from Starbucks. And watch the screen in the waiting room that gives us updates on where they are in the procedure.

The nurse comes to tell us they are finished around 9:45 and surgery went great. We would be going back to see our baby soon.

 In the recovery room, I think Michael and I experienced a range of emotions. We were of course overjoyed that surgery was successful. But we both were also overwhelmed with the change in his appearance. He just didn't look like the Samuel we knew. It hurts your heart to see your baby in pain as well.

We were placed in a room after about an hour or so in recovery. My parents were able to meet us in there and see Samuel. He was coming off his anesthesia and it would cause fits of crying for 5 minutes. Then sleeping for 10 minutes. It was hard to watch.

The nurses showed me how to feed him with a syringe, which would be our method of feeding for the next 10 days. They also talked about wound care, which meant cleaning the area with hydrogen peroxide and water. Then applying a bacitracin ointment. I would do this twice a day until the stitches come out.  He also has to keep these arm restraints on to keep him from touching his face. I am able to take them off and give him a break from them, but he wears them most of the day.


I was somewhat overwhelmed. And tired. But at the same time I was ready. God had made me ready.
 
 But Michael and I still had our moments of being stressed and just to show how Satan likes to sneak in and attack, he tried to get Michael and me into an argument about having to share a tiny couch that night in the hospital. Our son just had major surgery, was doing great, yet we were fussing about a couch. Foolishness.  Samuel slept great, though.

The next morning the discharge papers are ready to go and we are heading out the door around 9:30. I couldn't believe they had us out so quickly.

So we head home to begin this new phase. About an hour after we get home, my daughter's school calls and says she has a fever and I have to come get her. I wasn't thrilled about that, but so goes life.

That first day (and the whole week even) it was almost like bringing home a newborn baby for the 2nd time. We would get excited when he would eat an ounce.

And sleep was less frequent as he could only take small amounts of formula at a time making him hungry more often.

The first couple days were hard. Giving him pain meds and antibiotics, the feedings, cleaning, the crying. It was just hard.

My older sister and her family came to visit on Thursday and stayed until Saturday. That really helped the week to go by quickly being able to spend time with them.

The stitches were to come out on Tuesday of the following week. It was a surprisingly fast 8 days. And overall Samuel did great during the recovery time. He did get frustrated at times with the syringe feedings. But who wouldn't?

Giving big smiles the day before getting stitches out

More smiles

Time for stitches to come out. My good friend is driving us to Dallas. We are super excited to see how things are gonna look now. Taking the stitches out took maybe 5 minutes.
It was absolutely amazing to see what a great job the surgeon did with Samuel. He, of course, has a scar that we will do some scar therapy for, but we certainly aren't worried about that. The syringe feedings are to continue for 2 more days. We can make it 2 more days.

Just after stitches came out

Here are a few thoughts now that we have walked through this small step with Samuel- I know we still have some more surgeries and possible speech therapy and orthodontics to deal with down the road. But for now, here are just some things I would like to share with you if you may be dealing with something that seems bigger than you. And even if you aren't right now. You could be tomorrow.

1. God is bigger than your circumstances. He planned, He ordained whatever it is you're facing and He will sustain you.
2. Submerge yourself in truth. God's Word. Do it now. Don't wait for the crisis. You'll need the truths of God's Word to be your foundation before entering the trial.
3. Surround yourself with godly friends who will speak truth to and encourage you and pray for you.
4. Your circumstances are not eternal. They will pass. But praise God through them and for them. We are guaranteed suffering on this side of heaven. Let your suffering draw you closer to God. Thank him for revealing Himself to you through the suffering.

Thank you for letting me share Samuel's journey with you. I hope that it brings encouragement to someone who may need it. I want to end this post with some Scripture that I read this week in my study of Isaiah:

"But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, 'Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.' " Isaiah 43:1-2

A Letter to Samuel at Three Months

Dear Samuel,

You're 3 months old today. Wow. It doesn't really seem like that old, but in baby time...it's a big deal. You've changed and grown so much since I first held you. You are over 11 pounds now. Remember when your daddy and I (and a host of other people) were praying for you to grow? Of course you don't, but we'll tell you all about it one day. God is so good, Samuel.

Lately you have been smiling and cooing a lot. You have your sister and brothers wrapped around your finger. They love to see who can make you smile the most.

You have already had umbilical hernia surgery and ear tube surgery. You are going to be one tough little boy.

Right now you are about 4 weeks shy of having your cleft lip and soft palate surgery. This is really what I want to talk to you about most today. Your dad and I have known that you would have this surgery since you were 18 weeks gestational age. But we didn't grasp the depth of love we would have for you at that time.

Samuel, when you have this surgery your appearance is going to change. You aren't going to look like the same Samuel that we have come to know and love over the past 3 months.  But I want you to always remember that it wasn't AFTER your appearance changed that I began to love you.  My love for you is strong and fierce today, just as it is for your siblings. You are wonderfully and beautifully made. In God's image.

But even more than that, as much as I love you, God loves you so much more. I will fail you. I already have. But God's love never fails. He is faithful and He is good.

I love being your mom and I'm excited about the plans God has for you.

Love,
Mom

Samuel's Story

I haven't written a blog post in over a year. But things have changed since then. I have changed since then. Most of my posts haven't been personal writings, but a collection of recipes, homemaking tips, etc. But since the blog is here, it's the perfect place for me to always remember this place to which God has brought me, and to be able to tell Samuel's story.

Michael and I knew we wanted one more child. God had already blessed us with 3 amazing children, yet we still didn't feel as if our family was "complete." I remember sitting at our dining room table while eating dinner with the family one night. I looked around as our family of five was eating and I told Michael, "that empty chair at our table is going to be filled one day." I didn't know it would be soon.

To back up just a little, our family had just made a major move from state to state in the summer of 2014. So we were in the process of building relationships at church, Michael starting a new job, kids adjusting, making our house into a home and all that jazz.

 It was at the end of January when we found out we would be expecting our 4th child. Michael was at work when I took the pregnancy test. We always email throughout the day, but I was shied away from emailing him too much on this particular day, on the chance that I spilled the beans.( I always wanted to be able to tell him in some elaborate or creative way.) But he called me out on being quiet and I ended up sending him a picture of the positive pregnancy test through email!


So here we are gearing up for this 4th child. The other 3 kids are excited. We took our oldest with us to our first prenatal check-up. She loved it!

But something about this pregnancy just felt different. I don't know if you want to call it mother's intuition or what, but probably around the 6 week mark I told Michael my concerns...that something could be wrong with our baby.

*Side note- I had just changed insurance companies at the first of the year. I could only find one OB clinic in my network and area. As the story progresses, you will see this is not coincidence.

We are carrying on with our normal lives. And part of that for me included Tuesday morning Bible study at church and Moms2Moms every other Wednesday. I cannot begin to express how these 2 groups and the truth that was spoken within them helped to shape and prepare me for the events ahead. I had found myself amongst several "Titus 2" mentors, and I was soaking it up. Also, I am extremely grateful for the truth I heard through music (and Word too of course) each Sunday. I would go home and add a new song to my spotify playlist almost every week. :)

On Tuesdays, we were going through the book of James. Trials. That's what stands out in my mind when I think about the book of James. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." I do remember while going through this study wrestling with the fact that my faith had never really been tested and wondering if it would remain steadfast if it ever was. But I know God had me studying this particular book at this particular moment for a purpose.

Meanwhile, back at my doctor's office, because I have epilepsy and take certain medications for that...and have yet to establish care with a neurologist, my doctor is referring me to a high risk doctor just to do a more thorough sonogram.

 The appointment was May 5th.

The technician is doing the routine sonogram. She tells us good things about the heart and brain then she leaves the room. Michael prays with me thanking God for a good check up. Then the doctor comes in for the extensive sonogram. She doesn't say a whole lot. At least I don't remember anything she said until she said, "I see a cleft lip." There it was. That news God had been preparing me for. Our baby is going to have a cleft lip. The doctor went on to tell us about surgeries that would be needed and other hospitals we would go to and doctors we would meet.

In the grand scheme of things, we were looking at a healthy baby. This was only cosmetic and could be fixed with surgery.

So we head home, somewhat concerned about all the unknowns, and not as giddy as we would've been has we just been finding out gender, yet still feeling grateful and blessed.

Oh, and it's a boy!!


Back in the doctors office again, remember when I said it wasn't a coincidence I was with this doctor...I'm talking to my OB for the first time about the findings of the cleft lip at the high risk appointment. Then she tells me about her own experience with her daughter who was born with a cleft lip. God is so good to do that for me!

As for a name, we didn't have to "discuss" as much as I imagined. Our 3rd child wasn't named until 3 weeks before he was born. Michael wanted a family name and Samuel is one of his favorite books of the Bible. The name means "gift of God." When I suggested Samuel Michael as a name we both loved it.

Three - four months pass quickly when they are filled with lots of doctors appointments. I also spent a lot of time on google researching how to care for a baby with a cleft lip. A later sonogram would reveal a probable palate which meant more googling. I wanted to be prepared. C-section had been scheduled for September 28th. We are excited and ready.

Then at my check up the first week in September, I get news that our babies growth is in the 14th percentile. I'm not sure what this means but the doctor says if it drops to the 10th at my next checkup, we will be delivering early. She doesn't tell me why, but I knew it didn't sound good. I did some more "research" when I got home to see why you would deliver a baby early if the growth dropped to 10th percentile. It involved things related to neurological development to possible stillbirth. The next 2 weeks were a time of worry for me. I called on my prayer warriors. We were praying that Samuel would grow over the next 2 weeks.

The September 10 appointment was here. I just wanted to find out if he had grown and go home. 

He had grown. But not enough. He was now in the 9th percentile for his gestational age. The doctor wants to deliver the next week. I cried in her office. But I also told her that I had prayed with my husband that morning, and whatever the outcome, we have to ask ourselves 'why not us?' We serve a sovereign God who is in control of our days and has been controlling Samuel's days from day 1 in my womb. He has a perfect plan for him. We have believed that and trusted that from the very beginning.

So over the weekend I had to get ready for baby. (And also have a joint birthday for my boys.) The baby would be here on Tuesday. It was quite a frantic weekend. At least I was feeling that way inside.

Baby day is here. I am calm. The hospital is very efficient. We appreciated that. We loved that friends came and visited and prayed with us before surgery began...at 7:30 in the morning! My parents had also just arrived from out of town and it was comforting to see them.

Off to surgery. I was probably in surgery for 30 minutes and then Samuel was here. Out of my 4 c-sections, it was by far the most relaxing.

 Someone brings Samuel to my side so I can see him. All I remember thinking is "he's absolutely perfect."

The rest of the day was filled with visitors and nausea. (I apologize to those who watched me puke in a bowl.) And it was also filled with one answered prayer after another. 

The fears and worry from the past 2 weeks were gone and my baby was in my arms and healthy. God is good and faithful. And I feel so unworthy of these blessings!

Now to bring you to today. Just 2 weeks later. Samuel is still doing well. He is now wearing a NAM in his mouth- which is short for nasoalveolar molding. This is similar to a retainer and is actually held in place with fixodent just like dentures. He wears this all day. I take it out every 12 hours to clean it. It has a nose piece that aids in forming his nostril. I also put skin tape on his lip. This should help reduce the size of the cleft before we do surgery 3 months from now. I change the tape 3-4 times a day.

I was a little worried thinking that I was going to be overwhelmed with the newborn and the extra care he needs plus taking care of my 3 older kids, but I feel like Moses when his hands grew tired in the battle and Aaron and Hur would lift them up so they could win the battle. What has overwhelmed me is the people who have loved on us, prayed with us and for us, brought us meals, sent cards, etc. The family of God holds each other up and that's exactly what they've been doing while we adjust and learn about what the next step in the journey will be.

To God alone be the glory...great things He has done!!